My Alarm Didn't Go Off

There seems to be a malfunction with my alarm last Friday and this morning. I haven't changed a thing and it just decided to stop working. I think my phone is literally dying. I can't plug it into a wall outlet to charge anymore because the operating system does not recognize the process  My desktop computer was zapped a while back due to a few brownouts and so my work laptop is where the phone sits plugged in to charge. It charges most of the way until the laptop decides to hibernate and then kills the charge. It will charge a little longer if I leave the laptop open and let it go to screen saver first then hibernate. Its all very last resort but I just don't want to pay any more money for a stupid phone! I'm so over cell phones. 

Anyway, waking up late really cuts into my blogging time so I wanted to keep this short  Maybe I'll browse Craigslist for a phone today...

Dealing With Life on Life's Terms

This is a quote from the book for the AA program. I've never actually been a part of the program myself so I'm what the 12 steppers call a dry-drunk. Its been almost 5 years since I'm had a drink but man life makes it really tempting to just pick up a glass... 

This quote obviously applies to everyone (using or sober) and yesterday it popped into my head which made me reflect that maybe I over-reacted to a bad choice that was made in my household regarding one of my teenagers. It is so hard to arm yourself with premeditated actions before walking into those kinds of situations and yesterday was a fine example of that. I have to do better when the next opportunity arises. I'm not satisfied with my approach.

I was calm at first when I confronted my child with the issue but soon she shut down and expressed a "what-ever" attitude which set me off so all I wanted to do was get her to react at that point and I started to loose my head. There wasn't a whole lot of honestly going on either might I add. I took things away and I left it alone for a few hours then felt bad the punishments. My husband validated my feelings about the punishment and that's when I decided to sit down and talk about why what she did was a bad choice. The water works turned on and we had a "good talk".  The truth came out and an appropriate punishment was put in place. Why couldn't I get this kind of remorseful reaction out the first time so that the lesson could be learned. Did I have to over-react to "wear her down"? Maybe. I'm open for suggestions.

Studio Neglect

Ever since the space we looked into for the studio rented to a deli, I haven't put much thought into the studio. I signed up for a new business workshop coming up next week but other than that I guess losing the cute space in Historical Longwood has really shut me up.

I knew it was too soon to jump into but something inside of me kept saying, "do it or lose it" and "this is your dream, it's supposed to be scary at first". It was probably my heart that said those things to me and it was probably not consulting with my brain because the opposite side of that voice would say, "are you CRAZY!" and "how will you maintain two full time jobs?"  This was my brain not consulting with my heart. If I can't get the two of them to work together on this than how can I make anything successful. I'm hoping the workshop will help my brain voice to relax a little and help my heart voice to step into reality a bit. 

One idea I had was to only use hard earned money to bring the studio to life. A small savings and a modest budget should get this thing off the ground for a couple of months without any debt or stress. My biggest concern is that the studio will not do as well as I'd planned - or worse, it will do well an I can't devote the time needed to continue to do well even with my written business plan in place, and I will stress about spending more out of pocket to keep it alive or at least keep my commitment to the lease. This would certainly cut into my day job which I love with all my heart too. I'm so torn between logic and hypothetical that I choose to neglect the idea entirely so that I can move on with my life. I don't want to forget it though. I just need some time to sort this out. 

Waking Up Even Earlier

In 15 min. increments, I've worked my way up to 5:30 AM from 7:00 AM to start my mornings. I know what you're thinking - why not just set the alarm for what ever time you want and get up at that time. I felt that waking up early was more habit forming than an automatic. I really enjoy waking up earlier and earlier. If you've been following my silly blogs since the beginning of August (Thanks Mom!) then you can remember me having an epiphany which was I'm a morning person so why am I not use my mornings more efficiently? Well two months later... I pop right out of bed and sit in the dark writing blogs. I guess this isn't really using my time efficiently - and actually I just wasted a half hour on Etsy.com - but my point is I believe it is now a habit.

I challenge you to find something undesirable and change it into something to look forward to by changing your mind about it and how you do it. For instance - dishes: I didn't understand the concept of washing dishes until 2004 or so. I loathed washing dishes and felt that I could always do them later. That all instantly changed when I went to visit a neighbor, Wendy, whose house was spotless sometime in 2004. I guess it had never occurred to me that poor people could have nice stuff too. I mean everything was undisturbed and a lovely fragrance wafted my way upon entry. She had a beautiful tea light holder on the wall with candles burning that created a simple yet lovely ambiance. She wasn't expecting me and decided to put on a show just for me. She created that space for herself. Later that day I went out to Target and bought an expensive $10 scented candle (that was expensive for me in 2004) and put it in the kitchen on the window sill. I told my self that I could only light that candle if and when I did the dishes because Wendy would do it that way. I stood there at the sink and took my enemy by the horns while that candle's flame danced in front of me. I still remember the sense of satisfaction once the last cup was washed and I sat down to enjoy the fragrance now starting to fill the room. 

Ever since that day, I changed my mind about why I should be doing something and did not focus on how to do it. I should be washing the dishes for me. For my family. How I wash the dishes doesn't matter as long as it gets done. How I wake up in the morning doesn't matter either. All that matters is what's motivating me to make the change.

A Message of Grace

I'm not one to preach to anyone on the topic of religion. I do love a good financial or child rearing soap box but faith is not one of my stronger attributes so it does not come out nearly as often or bold. I am very careful as to who my audience is when discussing my beliefs and I always avoid heated discussions on the topic but this morning I feel it is necessary to share the message from a speech I watched last night on the internet. The speech is called "His Grace is Sufficient" by Brad Wilcox.

The real reason I find it necessary to share the message from the Wilcox speech is because I found it to be extremely relieving. I often hear of "The Christian Way" of doing things and living life but this speech was different. There was no hell fire and damnation. There was no live-your-life-entirely-the-way-Christ-would-or-don't-even-bother. I gathered that I do not have to live someone else's religious lifestyle and mimic the way that they worship to be worthy. I can show my gratitude for life by practicing a "Christian" lifestyle, which by the way, is not supposed to be easy.

Practicing is: repeated exercise in or performance of an activity or skill so as to acquire or maintain proficiency in it. 

Over the weekend I was asked what are my spiritual goals? I'd never contemplated this before. It had not occurred to me that faith was no different than any other area of "growth". I can set goals. I do that all the time. I love the feeling of achievement that follows the success of the goal so why didn't I apply this concept  to spiritual growth? I cannot answer that last question but now that I have the understanding then it is my responsibility to act on it. I don't have to be best at going to church every Sunday despite popular belief. I don't have to pray every single morning and every single night to be "Christian". I do however have to set personal goals to achieve proficiency in one thing at a time. 

Grace is designed to allow those who have not diligently practiced to have worth. 

As long as I am accepting of who I am and working towards improvement then that is all He wants from me just as any parent would want for their child.

As of this morning I choose to not stay stagnant in perhaps the most important area of life. I do believe there is a greater purpose to life on Earth then we can begin to understand and that by practicing spiritual growth everyday we can build our religious muscle and learn to speak boldly on the topic when the opportunity arises.

Halloween Decor Garbage

I went looking for my one Tupperware bins full of Halloween stuffs the other day and couldn't find it with Christmas bins. We used to keep all these bins together but somehow they were separated by the move. The 2 covered Christmas bins made it to the hall closet but the topless Halloween bin made it to the shed. 

W pulled the bin out of the shed yesterday and I noticed a lot of new "debris" in it. I wasn't sure what would pop out so I carefully lifted each item out to see what I could salvage. I've decided that's time to retire the vinyl vulture. He has been around for a least 10 years and I am sad to see him go. His rubber wings are falling apart and the beak seam has separated exposing the ugly yellow foam inside. That was a $30 purchase 10 years ago so I'm pretty sure I got my monies worth.

The only thing really worth salvaging in there was the Apothecary sign I painted last year, it seems to be OK. One corner of the sign has been chewed off by some deviant creature but I'll use it this year. There were a couple of ceramic pumpkins and spooky vases that of course were not harmed but my black spray painted newspaper wreath did not make it. The Styrofoam supporting the wreath showed signs of havoc from the same creature as my Apothecary sign. 

I cannot just NOT decorate. I'll have to put a little money aside for new decor this year. Things aren't so bad  though because I threw a bunch of old stuff out last year and I knew I would have to acquire more anyway this year. The problem is not the budget, it's quantity. I don't like cheesy smiling-pumpkin decorations. I prefer Gothic or spooky Victorian stuff and I just can't find that kind of stuff in abundance anywhere. We'll make a couple and use what we've salvaged but this year will be a modest Halloween.

Wall Color

We are planning to repair, sand and primer the kitchen walls before installing freshly painted (white) baseboards. This is very exciting for me because it is technically the first home project since we've moved in. We've been talking a little about color and I think we are on on the same page as far as tastes go so I'm looking forward to picking out the paint with W.

I'm kinda torn between a hint of gray and a nude color. The floors are a dark walnut so I'm thinking too dark on the walls will be over bearing and anything but white please. The house was freshly painted - poorly, I might add - by the bank before we moved in so paint wasn't a high priority. The current color isn't bad but it is throughout the house which is a little redundant in my opinion.

The kitchen walls are a little quirky. Meaning, one wall is shared with the dining room and the others are covered with cabinets so there is only a foot of wall exposed above or beside the cabinets. There is a low wall that splits the dining room and the kitchen a the ceiling is lowered as well that match the opposite lowered ceiling above the cabinets. This area will get weird if we try to do different colors so one color it is. We want to eventually do a back splash but not until the counter tops are replaced so we won't even worry about that now. 

Painting will be fun and seeing the rooms with fresh paint and new baseboards will be a dream. I can't wait. We will finish out the house with baseboards in the weeks to come but the other rooms will not receive paint at this point. The projects to follow will be counter tops then bathrooms.